Talking to a stranger
Naked-Time Confessions
And other things written in towels, or at 3AM, or in equally bizarre circumstances.
May132012
March262012
A Letter Written Almost A Year Ago
When you looked at me that night, why, I didn’t know what to tell you. The skies above us were grey, filled with the inconsistent flicker of the city’s flashing lights as they bounced off of the clouds. But it was black in your world, wasn’t it? With the moon and the stars above you to watch you closely as you cried, just you. And the two of us, we held you, whispered soothing words of comfort, but you couldn’t hear them.
Of course, no one else could hear them either. That didn’t make it any less distressing.
We don’t talk much. Of course we don’t—you need to learn to stand on your own, to swim when the water gets deep, to push yourself out into the crowd and return a new person, exactly the same in every way, exactly renewed. But this—how could we explain it, anyway? You knew, of course, that things would have to be this way someday. You’d talked to us about it, dried your eyes on etherial sleeves, made your peace and said your adieus long before they were necessary. It’s broken you, though, and no amount of glue is going to mend what fire must reforge.
Things will be quiet for a while, I’m afraid. They always are, once the storm has passed and the deluge has ceased, once the lightning strikes have ended and the soggy, smoldering remains of its wrath have crumbled into dust. The stone that ground you so sharp wore you too thin in the end, and now, all his work is undone.
I’m sorry, my dear. We’re both sorry.
Not for the loss. Every life must end, lest no new life be formed. Destruction and creation—they are a cycle eternal, and they will remain until the ends of worlds far more removed from the here and now than this one in which you live. But we’re sorry that nothing could prepare you for this, and we’re sorry that no one can comfort you. Not even us.
It is well that we learn to cope with these things ourselves. It is well that we learn to love life despite what it throws at us. Remember that.
You aren’t angry. You haven’t been angry at all, not just yet, not with us, but the day will come when you will wonder why. Why, in Heaven’s name, didn’t we warn you, prepare you, run our fingers through your hair during these days of torture, whisper that all-encompassing phrase that brings you such peace? Let it go. This will pass. It’s true, after all. All things pass from this world into the next, ascending to the realm of the immaterial long before the material heart relinquishes its grip. Why did we this from you? How could we?
We did it, my dear, because we love you, a fact that you know very well despite all your soul searching.
We did it because it is your place to be strong, and to be real, and to feel loss, and to feel joy, and to feel that something in the world moves outside of your control. Who would you be, if it were not for this? Who would you ruin, who would you run to, who would you allow to hold you close, to run their fingers through your hair when the moon was full and the stars were swaying amid the cosmic din?
No one. Why do you think you fell so far in the first place?
Do not think of it as “death,” love. He isn’t dead.
He only sleeps.
March222012
A conversation long in the making (posted on the comment wall of one of George Takei's videos).
- David: George, you may have been to infinity and beyond or whatever but you simply don't understand a few things. There is a GOD, He says what we are to do and not do in this world. He says "When a man lies with a man, it's an ABOMINATION BEFORE THE LORD". There is no need for?'s or debate about what that means! You are going directly against God and against nature. You'll notice that a penis does not fit with another penis but it fits into a vagina. Hello, earth to braindead! I hope all 50 states abolish gay marriage or whatever you people call it! When you die an earthly death, you WILL be judged not just for your lifestyle but trying to promote the WRONG things. Let us all know how that works out for you! You can post on Facebook how horrible your suffering is from the greatest depths of Hell!
- Supporters: *respectfully disagreeing across the board*
- Brittany: Last I read, David, our country was a country by and for the PEOPLE, not by and for the "glory of the lord." We might be founded on "Christian" principles, but only the ones that make sense and benefit the people--such as not hating each other or stepping all over one another's beliefs.
- Ethics ought to be a matter of personal choice. You think being gay is a sin? Fine, don't do it. But just because your beliefs work for you does NOT mean you have a right to apply them to everyone else and hold them to the same standard, because many people don't believe in your God--or if they do, they believe He is a just, loving God who changes with the times, as He ought to. It's really none of your business what anyone does with their penis/vagina/etc, unless your own penis/vagina/etc. is involved.
- Anyway, marriage is a government institution and the religious aspect is optional, rendering your "moral" opinion on the matter null and void.
- You go, George. Keep using that sassy mouth of yours for the forces of Good!
- Terry: *States argument that homosexuality is not a sin because it is no longer advantageous to the culture for it to be so*
- David: Dear Terry, if you don't think homosexuality is a sin, then I have several suggestions of places that you need to be seriously committed! You are in more denial than any person I've ever heard of. Seek help ASAP!!!
- Brittany: I would like you to consider the probability that Terry believes differently than yourself. Lots of people do. We live in a country where we're free to express our morality, whether it be a conventional, traditional, Christian morality, or a more eclectic alternative viewpoint. Just because Terry believes differently from you does not mean that he is 'in denial,' and last I heard, people weren't committed for having differing opinions. As a matter of fact, our Constitution was written in order to ensure religious freedom, so that our founding fathers and those who came after them would not have to face that kind of persecution, the way they had faced it in their respective homelands.
- The result? People, like myself and many of the individuals on this page, don't necessarily believe in your Bible. If you think that makes you better than us spiritually, you're welcome to that opinion, but it's no cause to treat other individuals as though they're less human. Aren't you, as a Christian, supposed to love and accept even those who do not agree with the path you've chosen?
- No one here intends to stomp on your right to your personal morality, yet you continue to attack them in what I find to be, quite frankly, a childish and very self-righteous way. Perhaps it would be good of you to remember that above any other sin written down in the Bible, judging others as only God has the right to judge them is among the worst.
- Now, no one's opinion on homosexuality is going to hurt YOU. There's no cause to lash out at people for what they believe--we're not lashing out at you for believing as you do, believe it or not. We're just respectfully disagreeing. No one here has told you to 'seek help,' despite the fact that your rhetoric and unwillingness to accept the opinions of others may come across as narrowminded and even somewhat disturbed.
- So I really urge you to go read the Bible again--pay special attention to the red letters--and decide if the fight against the "homosexual agenda" is really worth your time; no one is hurting you or your children, or trying to wrest your ability to believe as you like from your grasp. They're simply fighting for the right to be considered 'human' outside the confines of a religion that, according to the Constitution, should not even be taken into consideration when deciding the laws of the land.
- David: Brittany, I get your point but like so many, you miss the real point. We have Christianity, Judaism, Mormens, Buddists, ect. THERE IS TRUTH. There is right and wrong and always has been. All things that people believe CANNOT BE TRUE. In other words, some of us are wrong. Back in the day, gay people were "in the closet". There was a reason for that. It is wrong, like it or not. You, like so many others have led this country into believing in "whatever". Good luck with that!
- Brittany: The point, my friend, is that your religion is supposed to be about love, peace, and tolerance, and by being intolerant, hateful, and emotionally violent towards your fellow man, you aren't following any of those teachings whatsoever.
- Are you arguing that because we have Christianity, Judaism, Mormonism, Buddhism, etc. etc., that anything that does not fall into these categories, that has not been writ down, is any less valid? Because it doesn't take much to just sit down and outline some theories--be they valid or otherwise--slap a name on them, and call them religion. This is how cults are born. Being part of the "accepted norm" does not necessarily render something any more valid than its unnamed counterpart.
- Ultimately, morality is a personal decision, and a personal choice. As a matter of fact, forcing your private morality (i.e. the stuff that doesn't visibly affect others, unlike rape and murder) on others actually renders your personal choices meaningless. Does it mean anything if you choose not to have gay sex in a world where having gay sex is illegal?
- No, it doesn't. But since it's a private decision made by the individual, if you want to render it morally relevant, then THAT is what makes that decision have meaning to begin with, in your eyes, in society's eyes, and in the eyes of that silly God person you people talk so much about.
- I'm not out to lead this country to believe "whatever." Neither is anyone commenting on this video, nor Mr. Takei, nor anyone who argues for the rights of gay men and women in our country. We're not out to steal the breath out of your religion or the religion out of this country, although please note that we are a DEIST country by founding, not Christian. You can do research on that. Look it up in your kids' history books, they'll tell you so.
- What I'm out to lead this country to believe is that each human being has the right to decide whether or not they do the right thing according to their beliefs, assuming these beliefs do not harm anyone. And by harm, I mean inflict physical or emotional violence on their person without their consent.
- Yes, there's truth. Yes, there's right and wrong. And I understand that you think not everyone is correct, because your God tells you that's the case. However, some of us choose to give our deference to far more forgiving deities, or no deities at all, and even if we're incorrect, it is our right as American citizens to believe these things. You cannot legislate your morality or force it on us, because it is an issue of faith, and if you read the first amendment, the United States government cannot make laws in keeping with the doctrine of any specific religious belief, assuming that those laws are not otherwise common sense (because they prevent violence unto other people).
- Oh, and "back in the day," Christians were also forced into hiding by those who persecuted them. Does this make their beliefs any less valid? By your logic, because a group is in hiding, they are fundamentally incorrect, which means that Christianity and Christians, who spent over 300 years, give or take, in hiding from the Roman empire, are fundamentally wrong. Just saying.
- Please think before you speak; your comments are becoming tiresome and your closemindedness is not at all what Mr. Takei was interested in bringing out when he posted this video. You are a human being, entitled to your own beliefs which you may apply to your own life, just as I am a human being entitled to apply my beliefs to mine, and every gay man and woman on this earth is a human being, likewise entitled to live his or her life according to his or her own personal beliefs.
- We are not a Christian country, David. I am not a Christian. I do not believe that your religion is correct. I've read your Bible cover to cover, and quite frankly, as a woman, I find it offensive. As a human being, I find it offensive. That is my personal belief, and I am entitled to that. What are you going to do? Fight for legislation to have people like me thrown in jail?
- Telling people they can't do something because you disagree with it is profoundly vain and childish, and in doing so, you prove your own lack of belief in your faith. The cracks are showing. This is what people think of you when you post foolish, half-baked arguments, clearly (given the nature of the video, the rest of the comments, and the page itself) looking for a fight. Now please act your age, or, if you can't be arsed to do that, at LEAST behave like you've been to town before.
- None of these people have been speaking offensively to you. The gay community is not out for your blood, or for your dehumanization, simply because you spoke out against them. I want you to consider that, and consider whose actions are more "Christlike," because aside from emphasizing their own personal points, most everyone in this conversation has turned the other cheek, yet you can't let your childish resentments drop.
- I think I may say a prayer to my heathen gods for you tonight, in the hopes that you can find a little clarity, sir. Because your lack thereof is showing.
January152012
I’m not the hero of the story, and I need to be saved.
You took my clarity with you when you left.
I’m not sure what I have to say to you now. It seems like yesterday made so much sense. One foot in front of the other, muddling through to the other side of this fog. I could have done that. I’ve done it before, and I thought it would be simple enough to do it again.
Yesterday, it felt like it would be so easy.
But it won’t be, will it?
I hope you’re finding what you want in the Great Big Far Away. I’m sure you never knew what that was either—you were always too Hell-bent on keeping everyone here safe that you never stopped to think about yourself. That was always pretty infuriating, you know? I tried to keep things sane. Tried to keep you well.
We had some happy times. We had a lot of them, didn’t we? Funny, though, how I can’t seem to remember any of them right now. All I can remember are the times that I wanted to reach out to you, to clasp a hand on your shoulder and pull you to my chest, as my brother did me when our Mama died. I wanted to take the weight of the world off your shoulder—but I could never do that.
I know you felt using yourself up to protect your own was a selfless thing to do, but you didn’t think about me in all of this, did you? What I was going to do when the last of you was all used up and there was nothing holding you here anymore?
I can’t bring myself to be angry at you. It’s more trouble than it’s worth. Thing is, it makes it hard to process all this anger I feel. I was under the impression that someone could only ever feel this many emotions once in their life, and that I was quite past that. I thought, if I made you comfortable, if I made you happy, I wouldn’t feel so bad when all was said and done. If I’d done the best I could…
I don’t know what to do now, Neil.
What’s next?
I know one day I won’t miss you. It always gets better. At least, I think it does—I’ve heard that in a few places before, anyway.
Yevgeniy thinks I’m being silly about all of this, but he’s never been very good at being comforting. Perhaps he can’t comprehend what I’m feeling right now because he himself will never feel it. The only person he’s close to is Leslie, and if Leslie ever died, I can only imagine that my brother will cease to be.
I miss you terribly, Neil. Even after leaving town, I’ve found a million things that remind me of you, some of them in the last place I’d expect them. You’re at the top of every bottle, and sometimes, for a while in the middle, I forget—until I find you at the bottom.
I wish I could ask you to come home. I wish I didn’t feel so selfish doing it.
But the world doesn’t work that way.
I doubt we’ll ever meet again. I think that’s the part I’m having a hard time coming to grips with. Considering where you’ve ended up, I can’t imagine I could come to you, and if it’s anything like you say it is, I can think of no reason why you’d come down to me.
My only hope is that you’re happy, and that your trouble has ceased.
Evpraksiya.
January92012
Time to kill every 15 and 16 year old girls that post pictures up of themselves wearing almost nothing. I’m like “Do you want to get raped? Cause this is step #1.”
Get some clothes on, slut.
What you chose to wear has nothing to do with getting raped. Just because someone goes out in skimpy clothes doesn’t mean anyone is “asking for it”
Im all about this post. I can argue for days about how relevant this is for young girls these days. For real, tell me you don’t see 14 year old girls dressing like hoes, and what do you know, at 16, they are pregnant. Not saying you’ll necessarily get raped, but the way you dress, does indeed reflect your personality……………
Teenage pregnancy has everything to do with proper sex education and nothing to with dressing a certain way.
The way you dress does not equal how rapeable you are.
How about we stop equating these things with one another and get behind the real reasons we don’t want these girls dressing like skanks, instead of dicking around pretending we’re giving them advice to “stay safe” and “not get raped”? Because no, the way you dress does not equal how rapeable you are.
But yes, the way these girls dress nowaday is definitely something that we, as a society, should probably take into consideration. Possibly even try to correct the behavior, because while I’m all for expressing your sexuality, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to do so. There are also age-appropriate and age-inappropriate ways to do so.However, I’m pretty sure judging these girls and calling them skanks and kicking and screaming about it and trying to scare them into thinking they’re going to get raped if they show any skin is exactly the opposite of what we need to do to fix the problem. The stuffier and more obnoxious we get, the more likely these girls are to get skankalicious, just to spite us.
Just be cooler than skanky, ladies. Be less bitchy than skanky. Stop attacking each other, stop scaring these girls off, stop supporting the role models that these girls are adopting nowadays (dear mass media: stop that), and you know what? Eventually they might find different role models. Eventually they might get tired of skanking it up.
Or maybe they won’t. If that’s how they want to continue with their lives, that’s how they’re going to do it.
If you’re a dick about it it won’t happen, though.
And everyone is being a dick about it.
I keep forgetting to post this stuff here, instead of in treehouses.
(Source: 1800wanderlust)
December212011
Jesus did not earn your 4.0.
You did.
Not that I’m a big fan of the whole “Jesus” thing to begin with, but can we please tone it down just a little? Can we please pretend we’re thinking, rational people, here? Attributing your success to your chosen god, especially when everyone knows you worked your ass off to get there, is not being humble. It’s not being a “good Christian.” It’s insulting your own intelligence, and when you do it, I start to think much less highly of you.
I mean, unless you made some sort of unsavory deal with Jesus and he’s coming for your firstborn in three years, I think you can safely take credit for your own fucking success.
/me rants.
I will always feel this way about these people.
12PM
The Blog of Massive Text Posts And Junk
Now with unnecessarily capitalized Ands!
Right! I’ve started this blog because my home blog over at gaywizardsintreehouses is more for reblogging silly Harry Potter pictures and posting unfinished sketches. It’s not a real blog. It’s a fake blog. Real blogs throw rocks at it from the street.
How many more times can I use the word “blog” in this post? Hmm.
Anyway, the point of all this rot is that now I have somewhere to post things if I feel like writing about my Feelings, or about the things I was thinking about in the shower (hence the blog title, Naked-Time Confessions). Or if I want to post actual writing for real!
Stand by—I’ll be reblogging things from my home blog that I still find relevant (like my recent post about Jesus and 4.0 GPAs). And then, when I get to thinking thinky words, I’ll start posting actual things.
So yes! Here I go!
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